Thursday, 6 May 2010

The greatest chat up line ever?

A white gyal friend of mine, walking through the market, minding her own business, was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of loud, violent vomiting from a man she was walking past.

HEEEUUUUURRRRRGHHHH BLLEEEEEEEUURRRRRRRRRG HYEUAAAAAAAURRRRRRRGHH

She turned round to see what was going on, to see a man bent double, fingers pointing into his mouth, savagely convulsing.  Once he knew he had her attention, he paused the mime to explain - "I'm just making room for some of that white meat*!"

They are now happily married.**

* There was a popular song a few years ago here called 'never had white meat'.
** Bizarrely, this is not true.

Sunday, 2 May 2010

Comedy Jam

A quick post to get back on the blogging regularly wagon. (Also check out my posts on Raquel's great A to Z of Guyana).

Comedy often gives a pretty good idea of what the big issues of the minute are - watching back some old fast show episodes recently took me back to the zeitgeist of Britain in the mid to late '90s - the National Lottery, Britpop, Supermodels and Eco Warriors.  Last night I went to a touring comedy sketch show that was doing an outdoor show at the cricket pitch up the road; year-round, reliably warm outdoor events being one of the great advantages of a tropical climate.  I was glad that I hadn't been to such a show in my first few weeks here - I would have understood maybe two words - but these days I can understand the majority of what people say.  Most of the time.  The sketches did indeed give a pretty good picture of the issues of the day.  So from that evidence alone, here's a top five list of issues in Guyanese society:
  1. Sexual mores  and morality, and how these differ between Georgetown and the countryside: this sketch involved a promiscuous, sophisticated girl living in Georgetown, ashamed of her farming roots, teaching her religious, virginial cousin the ways of dating, Georgetown style. Which turn out to involve men in dresses, a new man every week, and large sums of money changing hands.
  2. Auntie Men - Like the UK in the days of Carry On and Are You Being Served, (and, it could be argued, Little Britain) there is a great divide between the prevailing attitude to homosexuality in real life (wrong, disgusting, sinful and peverted) and the reaction to gay people on stage (hilarious and wonderful). This show did have some strong (and well recieved) gay characters, which could be a sign of new attitudes gaining a foothold.
  3. Corrupt traffic policemen -
    'How are we going to get paid today?'
    'We need to start charging people for ADT.'
    'What's that?'
    'Any Damn Thing!'
  4. Domestic Violence - in this case a skit about a woman falsely claiming to have been beaten by her husband, who has clearly been battered by her to a pulp. Of course the female magistrate sentences the hapless man to life in prison.
  5. Beauty Pageants - actually, this wasn't a sketch, just a bizarre and slightly disturbing part of the intermission. But beauty contests crop up everywhere, most bizarrely in my experience as part of the government run Amerindian Heritage Month celebrations. The contestants last night, the youngest of whom was about 10, came on stage to prove once and for all that there is no good answer to the question 'why should you win this beauty pageant?'. And further proving that if there is, 'because i'm smart, intelligent and intellectual' isn't it.  This spectacle contrasted sharply with the genuinely smart and talented actresses involved in the show.

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Soca Junkie - Music of Guyana, Part 1

First, an overdue correction: the ‘amusingly bad grammar’ in the sign in a previous post – ‘water is life, care it’ isn’t bad grammar at all. It’s just Creolese grammar, like ‘I tell she’, ‘me na know’, ‘walk with your things’. Lesson learnt, for the fiftieth time, until I forget again: Don’t be too quick to judge.

And now to the matter at hand. I had to do a music post sooner or later. More will follow.
Music has been one of the defining elements of my experience so far, and the sounds of Guyana will linger in my ears long after I have left the country. And when I get home my friends will wonder what the hell has happened to my music taste.

The title is a bit of a misnomer: most of the music you hear here is not from Guyana. There are a few local bands and singers, but even they apparently tend to record in Trinidad or Suriname. The vast majority of music is imported from elsewhere, mainly Trinidad, Jamaica, the USA or Brazil. And when I say imported, I mean downloaded as a low bitrate MP3 and burnt to a CD. There are either no copyright laws here, or nobody has bothered trying to enforce any, so even the biggest department stores sell nothing but pirated CDs and DVDs. These are ridiculously cheap – you can usually get between five and ten CDs for 1000 Guyanese Dollars (About £2.50), although luxuries like the CDs coming with accurate tracklistings or actually playing all the way through are far from guaranteed.

Music is everywhere here, and it’s loud. Whether it’s reggae blasting out of the minibus, eighties ballads in the taxi, Chutney* blasting out from your neighbour’s house at 6 AM or dirty thumping dancehall played in between overs at a cricket game, there is almost always some kind of music within earshot. There are some noise laws, but the application of these is very hit and miss. Generally 'hit' when i'm in the middle of dancing and the club gets shut down at midnight, and 'miss' when i'm trying to sleep at five in the morning.

The most popular songs are bought by everybody, and played by everybody, repeatedly, for months. For the first few months here, One More Night and Nightshift by Busy Signal would be heard about ten times each a day. It’s just once or twice a day now. I have been through a similar 'three stages of culture shock' experience with these songs as I did with blackouts - enjoying them, then being driven to the edge of Insanity (a village on the way to Georgetown**) by them, and then eventually coming to tolerate and even like them, and freely choosing to listen to them at home from time to time.

As for going out and dancing***, the DJing culture here was a bit of a shock when I arrived, and one of the things I thought it might be hardest to adjust to. DJs usually play the start of the song, till it kicks in, have the MC shout a bit, rewind, sing over it, rewind when it gets to the good bit again, and then skip to the next song. Then they play the start of the song, till it kicks in, the MC shouts a bit, they restart the song, sing over it, rewind when it gets to the good bit again, and then skip on to the next song. Then they . . . well you get the idea. When I first went out this irritated the life out of me. But after a while you begin to see how it works with the music and the way people dance here. Hearing full songs all the way through sounds a bit boring now.

One good thing is the variety you get in each club over the space of a night. Most places will play the full range of Dancehall, Soca, Culture and a bit of RnB and classic dancefloor tunes as a bonus. The bad side is that there’s not much choice between venues – apart from some places that play more sludgy eighties ballads or Chutney, most places have identical playlists. There are probably at least twenty songs you can pretty much guarantee hearing wherever you go.

Next music post: a rundown of popular Guyanese**** musical styles. With examples. Lucky you. It must be nearly Christmas.

Mr Dale - Soca Junkie

* Indian music crossed with soca, we'll deal with this at a later date...
** Not actually true. But it could be. There is one called 'Good Faith'. I plan to go there and do something horribly selfish and short sighted. In good faith. Do you see? But I never got round to going to Glasshouses (near Harrogate) and throwing stones, and I lived near there for five years, so chances are I won't actually get round to it. And it's a bit of a silly idea really.
*** The dancing culture is quite a shock too, but one for another post.
**** Not really Guyanese. See above.

Saturday, 9 January 2010

CSI Georgetown

This is, within the limits of my hazy heat addled memory, the precise conversation me and a couple of friends had with a taxi driver recently.  None of us had met this guy before.

“Good morning”
    “Maarnin.  Where you go?”
“Pegasus.”
    “Sure thing.”
Driver looks in the mirror and clocks my friend.
    “Hey bai, I saw you yesterday.”
“Oh yeah, where did you see me?”
    “Getting off a minibus on Vlissingen”
“That’s right, I was.”
    “It was a no. 63 bus, You musta come from Berbice.”
“That’s right.”
    “You was wearing a red shirt.”
“Correct.”
    “And grey three quarters.”
“That’s true.”
    “And slippers”. (ie. Flip flops/thongs)
“Right again.”
    “And you had a big blue bag.”
“Erm, yes, that’s also true.”
    “You get on the corner by the gas station, look around, walk back up the road and cross over the bridge.”
“OK, I’m slightly scared now.  Do you know what I had for lunch yesterday too?”
    “Na bai, na.  But I could find out!  Check when you next go the toilet. All that CSI shit, forensics, you know?”
“CSI Georgetown?”
    “Exactly, CSI Georgetown.  That’s me.  CSI Georgetown.”

Monday, 4 January 2010

Toucan play at that game...

Every morning, at the same time, the parrots flew past the building site into the forest to hunt.  You can easily spot parrots because they always fly together in pairs.  Each afternoon, they flew back home.  Every day at the same time.  The workers started their jobs when the parrots went past on their way into the forest, and stopped when they were seen returning.

One afternoon the parrots were nowhere to be seen. The workers were vexed. They complained it was time to go home, but the boss just said 'Parrots na fly, you na go". They worked and worked until the sun went down.

The next day started as usual, but after half an hour the parrots were spotted on the horizon coming back from the jungle. The boss tried to stop them, but the workers just left. "Parrots fly, we go."

By the following morning, the boss had bought himself a watch.

(Thanks to Leonard for the story, and apologies to the world for the pun)

Friday, 13 November 2009

Raising the bar

I haven’t really written yet about what I am in Guyana for.  So I should. And will. Now.

And by the way, the photos on this page have nothing whatsoever to do with the content.  But everyone loves decomposing fish that look like spiky footballs and signs with amusingly bad grammar.  Don’t they?




Anyway.

I am working with the Ministry of Education as the Special Needs Advisor for region 6, which is the area towards Suriname between the Berbice and Corentyne rivers. Mostly the region stretches a long way inland, but mostly people live on the coast, with a couple of Amerindian villages up the rivers and some remote farming communities a little way inland too.  My placement is supported through VSO but I am paid and housed by the Ministry of Education. (Note: VSO is in my experience an excellent and valuable organisation that works in a targeted way to achieve sustainable change.  They need money.  Please give them some via my justgiving page. Thanks!) What the post of ‘Special Needs Advisor’ actually means in practice is largely up to me to decide. One of the main areas I am planning to focus on is making mainstream classroom teaching in primary schools more inclusive.

I saw something today that acts as a nice metaphor to explain what I mean.

This week, the main cricket ground in our region is hosting the national school sports tournament – three days of track, field, cycling and swimming events for school children and teachers from across the country.  The education system here has pretty much ground to a halt to watch, organise or participate in the competition, so today I also went along to stuff myself full of fried rice, chow mein, barbecue chicken, honey roast peanuts, candy floss, plantain chips, biscuits, popcorn and lots of other goodies (most events in Guyana revolve around eating). And to watch some sports, cheering more or less randomly.  And to admire the effort everybody makes in to dressing up for the occasion.

Two of the first events were the Under Ten Girl’s High Jump and the Under Twelve Girl’s High Jump.

The under tens went first.  There were two officials setting up the bar, and three to monitor the jumps.  The officials had carefully set up the bar to a measured height, which was about nose height for the average ten year old.

The first girl ran up from an angle, gamely attemted to jump awkwardly over the bar, came about a foot short, and knocked the bar off.  The officials noted this on their notepads and reset the bar.

The next girl ran straight at the bar, and tried to leap it head first, knocking the bar off with her head. The officials noted this on their notepads and reset the bar.

The next girl ran straight at the bar, and then bottled out at the last minute, stopping just short of the bar and looking up at it with a ‘are you seriously expecting me to jump over that?’ expression on her face. One official raised a red flag. The others noted the result on their notepads.

The next girl ran straight at the bar, slowed down and ducked underneath it.  One official raised a red flag. The others noted the result on their notepads.

The next girl ran straight at the bar, and slowed down and meekly jumped carefully up onto the mat, taking the bar with her.

The officials noted this on their notepads and reset the bar.

This continued for about twenty contestants, for three attempts each. Not one of them cleared the bar.  Only two came anywhere remotely close.  Most were clearly just going through the motions by the final round. One was stretchered off the field.

The officials then set up for the under twelves, by raising the bar up to a new measured height, about nose height for the average twelve year old. And the contestants proceeded to do exactly the same as the under tens.

Not once did any of the officials say ‘maybe we should try starting them on a lower height’.  And not once did I see anyone clear the bar.

So, what does this have to do with “making mainstream classroom teaching in primary schools more inclusive”?

Well, this kind of experience is unfortunately the reality of school life for many children.  The bar is set too high, and just keeps getting moved up further and further beyond their reach.  They aren’t taught the skills necessary for them to succeed. And so they get left further and further behind.  And eventually, understandably, they give up.

The children could easily have had the correct jumping skills modelled for them and had a chance to practice these skills on an easy task first.  And once it became obvious that most of the children were failing, the bar could have been lowered to match their ability and give them a chance to succeed.

What I would love to achieve is to help teachers to develop the skills and the confidence to explicitly teach and model the individual skills required for a task, to give tasks that allow all children to succeed but still stretch the more able ones, and to modify the schemes of work to suit the children, rather than rigidly sticking to a curriculum that is often far beyond the comprehension of the class.  I also need to make sure that the systems supporting teachers encourage and support them in doing this.

If I can help move things in that direction I will be very happy.



Of course, there are a million other things I could concentrate on too.  Improving training in the special school.  Raising awareness and decreasing stigma associated with disability among teachers and parents.  Finding children who are not attending school and looking at how to get them into school.  Teaching teachers about specific learning difficulties.  Campaigning for improved physical access to school and availability of aids for disabled people.  Building systems to allow parents or other students to support those with difficulties.  And each one of these could easily and constructively take much more than two years of my time.

But for now, mainly, inclusion is what I will be concentrating on.  Partly because I think this could make the biggest and most sustainable change for the largest number of children.  But mostly because I love a good metaphor.

www.guyanadan.blogspot.com

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Place Names

I do enjoy a good place name, and Guyana's villages have some fantastic names. These are all real villages. Honest.

Some sound like great places to be:
  • Pleasing Hope
  • Adventure
  • Land of Plenty
  • Fear Not
  • Better Success
  • Free and Easy
  • Good Banana Land
  • Best Coffee Land
Some sound kind of scary:
  • Makeshift
  • Wasteland
  • Experiment
  • Look Out 
  • Now or Never
  • Retreat
  • Mc Doom Village
And this one I guess depends on your point of view...
  • Land of Lust